I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
God I need to hump something, right now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
