I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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