direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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