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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Randomize
