i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
