I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
