i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
