I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
