My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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