how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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