I just cut my nipple shaving
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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