You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
