This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
