so that wasnt chicken after all
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just puked most of my soul out..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
