She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
