never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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