butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm always down for nudity.
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