I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
