i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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