do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
