Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
