whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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