you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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