This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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