So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
