Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
