so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
