Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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