Define "chronic" masturbator.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
