I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
