I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
