I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
