He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
