I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hippo gnu deer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
