I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
