Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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