he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
