people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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