so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
