I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
