You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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