I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
