whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
