whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
