I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
