He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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