Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
