Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
