So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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