Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
