I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Watching her eat just hurts me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
