it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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