If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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