She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
