On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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